This will be a short one…which is appropriate, given the subject matter.
I. Never. Do. Anything.
In or with my life, I mean. And I don’t know what to do about it. I’m perpetually behind, and infinitely capable of avoiding what needs to be done.
And I have no idea what to do about this. I can’t seem to shame myself into doing more, nor can I give myself a pep talk and magically start completing my to-do list.
My therapist says that when you feel resistance to something, that you should explore what’s behind the resistance. But that’s just it…I can’t figure it out.
I say that I want specific things to happen in my life, but then I don’t do the things that I need to do to make those things happen.
And I just don’t know how to motivate myself…
“Ha ha, I feel so ADD today.”
I hear this type of comment quite often. It’s become a metaphor for our entire culture. The title of my post alludes to one of many t-shirts that poke fun at the condition.
But I am here to tell you that if you really HAD ADHD, you would not find it to be a laughing matter. If you really suffered from this disorder, you would be too busy trying to hold your life together, or drowning in a sea of self-hatred because your 140 IQ was completely useless in helping you to achieve any level of success in life. If you really lived with ADHD, you would know that all the joking in the world would be no match for the chaos that was driving your life on a daily basis.
So next time you are tempted to make a joke about how you are having an “ADD type of day”, try to remember that for some of us, this is what we are dealing with every. single. day. Think about the pain your words may cause, however unintentional. Those of us who live with this scourge will appreciate it.
When I started blogging on WordPress, they offered “categories”, but not tags for posts. When tags came along, I started using them, but also used the categories in some cases. This led to lots of messy overlap.
Anyway, tonight my OCD self is tempted to go through all of the posts by category, tag away, and then delete the categories.
or perhaps I can look into getting a life. yeah, that might work.
really, I am . . . I am constantly blogging inside my head . . . in traffic, in the shower, as I go about my day, while I’m watching Little House on the Prairie (not kidding about that last one!) . . .
but somehow, these entries don’t make it to the screen, or they are doomed to live out their days as a draft, waiting to be perfected before I hit “publish”.
Blogging was supposed to help me with my chronic lack of discipline when it comes to writing, and it worked for a while, but then . . . I don’t know. Life happened. I’ve been wrestling with sickness both in my body and my soul. The words are there, but they refuse to break forth . . .
but I need to do something about this. because can I really call myself a writer if I never write?
I have at least five topics left over from my long weekend back “home” in NY, so it’s going to be busy! At least I hope it will be. My ability to discipline myself being what it is, I’m hoping to get to it all. But I’ve been blogging in my head all weekend, so it seems only fair that I get it onto paper.
And I have made a decision . . . I was going to take a poll about it, but I think I’ve decided. I’m going to move all of my “Du$$ar” stuff to a different blog. I just want to see what my traffic REALLY looks like, independent of any conversation about that whole mess. So I’m getting rid of it . . . I’ve decided.