whether it’s the worst thing . . . my dad died early this evening. at least, I think that’s what my stepsister said. 5:30 this evening? not 5:30 this morning. he died at the hospital, they couldn’t revive him . . . I think I checked out somewhere in the middle of those words.

and now I am numb but trembling. primary instinct is, “I don’t want to talk to anybody”. secondary is, “take a pill and go to sleep now, or start packing now and sleep later?” the pain in my heart is causing me to lean towards option (a) . . . get a decent night of sleep (chemically assisted, of course) and wake up and deal with things tomorrow.

God bless my stepmom and stepsister . . . they delayed the wake until Thursday to give me time to get there.

People keep saying, “let me know if there’s anything I can do”. I have no idea what I’m supposed to need them to “do”. I hardly know what to do myself.

and is it bad that I busted out my news on Facebook immediately?! Welcome to the 21st century . . .

I’m not making any sense. first instinct: update FB status. second instinct: blog. third instinct: MEDICATE!!!

tomorrow maybe I can feel something . . .