am I weird?

(um, yeah. you didn’t have to answer that in the affirmative quite so quickly!)

I am almost 39 years old . . . and I am single. I am supposed to want a man, marriage, until death do we part, and so on . . .

so why is it that I truly couldn’t care less (or is it “could” care less?!) about all of that?

Yes, relationships are scary . . . and yes, although I know so many of you don’t believe me about this, and would rather blame it on Joe Raimo (!!!!!!!), I really do believe that it’s true that you don’t miss what you barely remember.

And it’s true that I am inherently selfish, probably too selfish to be in a relationship . . .

(and YES, I know that what I’m about to say is completely contradictory to that last statement . . . but I tell myself that this is “different”)

but the truth of the matter is, I’m fine the way I am . . . I don’t think I need a man in my life.

a child, however? that’s a whole different story.

yes, there is an ache in my heart, a hole in my life, but I never feel like I “need’ a man . . .

however, I absolutely DO know what Rachel meant when she demanded, “give me children, lest I die!”

and yet, people are forever reminding me that I can barely take care of myself . . . and even I tell myself, “well, I just have to get myself together, and maybe THEN I can adopt . . . ”

but I’m afraid that, not having “gotten myself together” in the first 38 years of my life, it is probably unlikely that I ever will . . .

and so I pour my love out on other people’s children, and wonder if my day will ever come . . . and I continue to try to justify to other people why the idea of “having a man” is the furthest thing from my mind.

I’m sure they think I’m just “weird”. and perhaps I am . . .

2 thoughts on “am I weird?

  1. No! (At least, not about this :p ) I have several single friends about your age who are perfectly happy not to have a husband. None of them have adopted, but I certainly don’t believe that the desire for a baby needs to go hand-in-hand with the desire for a husband. In fact, some days I’d keep the kids and sell the husband (although other days it’s the opposite, so…)

    Have you ever looked into Big Brothers/Big Sisters? Not that I know anything about the organization, but I’ve heard good things. No, it’s not the same as having a child of your own, but it could give you someone who’s more connected to you as you rather than as a friend of their parent…

    And, looking at all the people who have kids, I’m not sure how “together” you need to be in advance. In an ideal world, sure, but since when is this an ideal world?

    I’ve never commented on your blog before. Look how you got me going. The idea that a woman MUST be in want of a husband is one of my pet peeves. 🙂

  2. Well we both know that if Bo hadn’t come along, I would be in your same situation. Some days I long to be single again, it is so much easier really. As far as chlidren are concerned, I think you could do it. In fact I think you would be a wonderful mother. Now if we could get someone to buy us a couple of babies, ha ha . . .

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