tonight, I realized that there is still some part of me that is wounded by my high school experiences. No matter how I try to re-write my meta-narrative, no matter how many times I try to tell myself that I turned things around by the time high school was over, I have realized anew that I really am still quite deeply wounded and that I still bear the scars that those years left behind . . .
so I’m supposed to try not to believe the “lies”, right? to erase that image of myself as a too-loud, unattractive, fat (high school was 100 pounds ago, and I’m quite sure that the “fat” part bothered me more than than it does now!) freak that everybody is laughing at. and what I walk away with in the end is this deep, unspoken longing to be a part of something that I know I can never belong to . . .
or maybe that’s just the high school in me coming out . . .
at any rate, I was certainly reminded tonight of why I don’t do youth group . . .