(so I wrote this over the weekend, after having been writing it in my head for about a week, and was “storing” it so that I wouldn’t release all of my blog entries at one time . . . but as you will see, this was perhaps more timely than I could have guessed. If I believed in karma, I would say that I had somehow angered some tooth god, or otherwise upset the balance of the universe, by complaining about toothpaste . . . but no, I think it’s just a coincidence. oh wait. I don’t believe in those, either.)  

Seriously, though. I find myself dreading the moment when I reach the bottom of a tube of toothpaste. I take great pains to  squeeze out every last bit from the tube, so as to avoid the inevitable barrage of choices that will face me when I go to the store for a new tube.

I just want toothpaste. I don’t want whiter teeth in thirty days. I don’t want to be “luminous“. I don’t want to experience the taste of vanilla mint at 7 in the morning. I don’t want sparkling expressions in fruity flavors. I don’t want a baking soda and peroxide party in my mouth.

I JUST WANT REGULAR, GARDEN-VARIETY, NON-WHITENING TARTAR CONTROL COLGATE GEL!

but I couldn’t find it, so this time I got this instead . . . 

(sigh . . . ) it will have to do for now . . .