It is an almost indescribable blessing to have a friend who has known you for thirty of your thirty-seven years.
I guess it is no wonder, then, that I am at a loss for words at this time, and feeling an emptiness that I am not quite sure how to identify.
I distract myself with silly websites, mindless, yet somehow addictive online games, and whatever else I can think of . . . but this hole in my heart is still there, and I am still just not sure how I “should” feel right now . . . which leaves me cursing the dysfunction of my childhood that has rendered me so utterly unable to identify what I’m feeling, when really I should be praising the God who saw fit to create me and save me, and who has given me the capacity to love at all . . .
I wanna love You better whatever it takes . . . 
You made me cry! I know you will miss Becky and the kids and even Will but Canada has phones. Although you will both be too poor to call. I really can’t think of anything to say to make you feel better except that you still have friends here if you need us. I know it is not the same, I constantly wish Stacy lived here. Like you said, there is something about a friendship that has seen you through your youth and into adulthood. I am sure your faith will give you strength.
Emptiness is a feeling. Obviously you are capable of love, compassion, caring, giving. It is good to acknowledge that you are feeling something- why wouldn’t you be- don’t stress over not being able to identify- be joyful.
who are you and what have you done with my friend Max?