“when in your life were you the happiest?”

All my life, when I’ve been asked this question, I’ve struggled to figure out how to answer it. It was never easy to really identify a specific time. Eventually, I settled on one particular year of college, which had been as okay as things really got . . . but was I ever having a “great” time? not really.

I used to be a huge Margaret Becker fan (the title of this blog comes from one of her songs–see my “about me” section) . . . but I felt most connected to her during her Simple House phase . . . because I could so identify with the angst, the anguish. When she started to become more settled, more certain of herself and of her God, I literally felt betrayed. How could she surpass me? Didn’t she remember the pain?

It is only now, some fifteen years later, that I am finally beginning to think that I “get it”. I have learned to be content in any situation.

I feel (or am?) more blessed today than I ever have been–filled with a sense of fulfillment, loving my work, surrounded by a strong and loving community of faith. Sure, not everything is peachy keen–for one thing, I am perpetually screwed for money–but I think that I have changed, as well, and part of the “getting it” is that I am rejoicing in who God is, not necessarily in my circumstances.

Still, part of  me feels a bit like Job during the prequel . . . not because I see myself as “blameless and upright” (trust me–nothing could be further from the truth!), but because I am in a place right now where I truly am blessed almost beyond what my heart can hold. I hope and pray that I will continue to praise him the next time I’m in a valley, but I know that remains to be seen. I so badly want to believe that the lessons I’ve learned in the light will stay with me in the dark. but for right now, I’m just so . . . happy. what an odd feeling!

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