All my life, when I’ve been asked this question, I’ve struggled to figure out how to answer it. It was never easy to really identify a specific time. Eventually, I settled on one particular year of college, which had been as okay as things really got . . . but was I ever having a “great” time? not really.
I used to be a huge Margaret Becker fan (the title of this blog comes from one of her songs–see my “about me” section) . . . but I felt most connected to her during her Simple House phase . . . because I could so identify with the angst, the anguish. When she started to become more settled, more certain of herself and of her God, I literally felt betrayed. How could she surpass me? Didn’t she remember the pain?
It is only now, some fifteen years later, that I am finally beginning to think that I “get it”. I have learned to be content in any situation.
I feel (or am?) more blessed today than I ever have been–filled with a sense of fulfillment, loving my work, surrounded by a strong and loving community of faith. Sure, not everything is peachy keen–for one thing, I am perpetually screwed for money–but I think that I have changed, as well, and part of the “getting it” is that I am rejoicing in who God is, not necessarily in my circumstances.
Still, part of me feels a bit like Job during the prequel . . . not because I see myself as “blameless and upright” (trust me–nothing could be further from the truth!), but because I am in a place right now where I truly am blessed almost beyond what my heart can hold. I hope and pray that I will continue to praise him the next time I’m in a valley, but I know that remains to be seen. I so badly want to believe that the lessons I’ve learned in the light will stay with me in the dark. but for right now, I’m just so . . . happy. what an odd feeling!
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