[okay. I realized this was way too long for a blog entry, so I am going to shorten this to provide you with only “the best of the best”. Hey, don’t thank me . . . I’m happy that I can be there for you!] 

You know you’re from New York City when . . .

• You say “the city” and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
• You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
• You call an 8′ x 10′ plot of patchy grass a yard.
• You consider Westchester “upstate”.
• You think Central Park is “nature.”
• You’re paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it’s a “steal.”
• You’ve been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.
• Your closet is filled with black clothes.
• You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
• Going to Brooklyn is considered a “road trip.”
• America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
• You’ve gotten jaywalking down to an art form.
• Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
• You’re suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
• You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills.
• You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.
• You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
• You run when you see a flashing “Do Not Walk” sign at the intersection.
• You’re 35 years old and don’t have a driver’s license.
• You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
• There is no North and South . . . it’s uptown or downtown.
• When you’re away from home, you miss “real” pizza and “real” bagels.
• You’re not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year’s Eve.
• Your internal clock is permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the Street parking regulations are in effect. [editor’s note: Alternate Side of the Street parking is NOT EVER in effect “in all five boroughs”, as the radio announcers always used to insist. There is no such thing as Alternate Side of the Street parking in the fair borough of Staten Island.]
• You know what a bodega is.
• You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas.
• When you are able to make a right turn at a red light.. you think it’s the best thing ever.
• Rather than waiting safely on the sidewalk to cross the street, you wait inches away from speeding traffic waiting to cut through it.
• You think you know better than everyone else in the world.. when in reality.. well.. you do.
• You order your dinner and have it delivered.. from the place across the street.