I wanna love You better whatever it takes . . .

So it wasn’t bad enough that my car broke down on Sunday, or that I found out on Monday that the repairs will cost something like $1500 (which I don’t have now, and am not likely to have anytime soon . . . or perhaps EVER.)

And it’s not enough that my call to my doctor’s office this afternoon to see if they’d received my CT scan results yet yielded a “no, we don’t have them yet”, despite the fact that the brand spankin’ new hospital where it was done claims on its website that its “new, state-of-the-art technology” enables them to share test results with lightning speed.

(or that I threw up from the contrast dye they had to inject–yes, that was ALSO on Sunday.)

But today, on top of all of this, THEY REPO’D MY TRASH CAN!

I’m out of checks (I stopped tithing in June, the first time my car broke down, and I hardly use checks otherwise) and this is one of those bills that just seems to fall by the wayside–it’s not easy to pay it online–so I just never got around to it. Not that I have the money at this point, anyway . . .

In her book Traveling Mercies, Anne Lamott talks about how a lot of things going wrong at once is viewed by some as evidence that “something big and lovely is trying to get itself born“. But she doesn’t totally buy that, and neither do I. I think that part of the problem, though, is that I do foolish things like titling my blog, “I wanna love You better whatever it takes“, not realizing that God might take me up on my offer.

Right now I just need to crawl into bed and spend some time feeling sorry for myself.

Number of people I told about el lumpito in the first week: 6

Number of people I e-mailed to ask for prayer after el lumpito refused to shrink in the face of a week’s worth of killer antibiotics: 41

Number of people on my church’s prayer chain who received the request: 54 (a few of them may overlap with the list of folks I sent it to directly)

Number of atheist friends who received this “prayer request”: at least 2

Number of nervous, “I don’t know how to act around you” smiles I received: only 1 (!) I was sure there’d be more . . . but maybe that’ll come later

Percentage of my workday spent Googling possible causes: between 30% and 60%, depending on the day

Number of times my shrink has told me not to Google it: 30 or so

Number of magazine articles about cancer that I’ve “randomly” come across in the past ten days: 1

Number of times in the past ten days that I’ve turned on the radio and “randomly” heard people talking about their experiences with cancer: 4 (two times was the same person speaking on two consecutive days)

Number of times in the past ten days that I’ve heard a radio program about a hypochondriac who always thinks she has cancer, but doesn’t: 1

Number of answers to my Yahoo! Answers question asking, “is there any possibility that this could be something OTHER than cancer?”: 4, so far

Number of cutesy chick-lit books on living with cancer that I saw at Target but didn’t purchase: 1

They want their jeans back.

So I love to look at the search terms people have used to find my site, only there’s one really disturbing trend that bugs me. I am probably making it worse by writing about it, but I can’t help myself–I find it so amusing (albeit gross!) that people are stumbling upon my humble little blog via such means.

 At any rate, here is an ACTUAL list of some of the search terms used to find my blog in the past seven days. And lest you think this is a high-traffic week, please be assured that these terms really are present in ANY seven-day period of time. I’ll allow you to draw your own conclusions, but trust me when I say that the ONLY reason I ever mention the fact that I am a fat girl is that I want to EDUCATE people about the rights of people of all shapes and sizes. Whatever else you might be looking for, TRUST ME, I’m definitely not interested.

Anyway, here they are, with my commentary in [brackets]:

fat girl
size acceptance [this one's okay!]
fat women pictures
fat women
“fat girl”
girl fat
fat girl
fat women
I love Fat Girls
fat girl
girl fat
fat women photo
fat women
fat women
fat girl
fat lingerie
fat women $hitting [OKAY, THIS IS BEYOND GROSS!]
[post script to the above: This one actually might be my own fault. BUT I DIDN'T MEAN IT THE WAY YOU WERE HOPING!]
[addendum, 1.13.08--I am changing the word here, as I did in another spot, to see if I can stop these searches from taking people here . . . wish me luck!]
Fat girl wedding
fat women
fat girl
fat girl + free [I really hope they were looking for "free of society's expectations" and not "free gross stuff on the internet"!]
fat fire on new york september 11 [WTF?!]
fat pants [this one could be a "girl term" and might be okay. MIGHT be.]
fat girl
fat women
fat tax [This is another approved subject. See my rant on the topic.]
fat
fat girl pic
fat girls in swimsuites [LEARN HOW TO SPELL, YOU PERVERT!]

Collectively, these search terms are far more disturbing than the occasional, “how can I dress like the Duggars?” searches that I see.

People! Get off the internet and get a life already!

YOU ARE SAYING IT WRONG!!! IT’S VAAAAAYYYYYY-GUE not VAAHHHHHHH-GUE!!!!!!!!!!

and while we’re on the topic: it’s BAYYYYYYYYYY-GEL, not BAAHHHHHHHHH-GEL!!!!!

Repeat after me:

Bagel rhymes with finagle rhymes with “get it right if you’re ab(g)le”

Vague rhymes with plague rhymes with serenad(g)e.

Sure, I don’t know how to spell out the pronunciations in proper “dictionary” format, and I obviously can’t find appropriate rhyming words, but you know what?! IT DOESN’T MATTER. YOU ARE SAYING IT WRONG!