Thought for the day: I’m realizing that, although I may have a preference for a certain city, or a reason to dislike another town or city, the truth of it is that “home” has way more to do with the people around me than with the physical location . . .

Even as hard as it is to have friends–and therefore pieces of my heart–in different places, I realize that I am beyond blessed because I have so many people that I consider “home”.

(yeah, these one-a-day posts might not be the highest quality . . . but I keep telling myself that it’s a discipline, and that practice makes, if not perfect, at least . . . hmmm. Practice makes blog stats!? yeah. that’s it.)

It’s hard to believe that things can be change so quickly . . .

It was barely six months ago that we were looking ahead to a time when she was going to be free of the school/internship/work cycle . . . “imagine”, we would say. “You’ll have so much extra time that you won’t know what to do with yourself”, I often told her. This promise of relative freedom was something I pointed her towards to encourage her on particularly rough days. I always admired her in that she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what she wanted to do with her life; she had worked so, so hard for eight years, and now, a new stage of her life was about to begin. And she is good at what she does . . . intuitively good, in a way that can’t come from a classroom. She had–no, she HAS–her whole life ahead of her.

We talked about living arrangements. Wouldn’t it be nice, we speculated, if we shared an apartment, one that had an extra room for our mutual godbaby, as well as any of the other random kids who were around at different times. Sure, maybe it felt a tiny bit weird in a “playing house” kind of way, but it made total sense from a practical standpoint. I could keep him overnight anytime if I knew that I would have someone who could cover for me if I needed to run to the store for an hour . . . it would be fun, but more importantly, it would allow us to be on the same page in terms of his medical needs; it would allow us to be consistent.  And, although I would be there with my cluttery self, she would finally have a space to call her own, a place to live where she could spread out beyond one room.

There was just so much to look forward to . . . there was just so much energy behind my encouragements to her that things were going to get better. But I don’t think any of us could have seen what was to come next . . . I know that none of us could have imagined that one attack would turn into a “once-a-month” occurrence, or that there would be a flurry of useless court dates and unproductive ER visits and constant fear. I am certain that six months ago, nobody could see things ending this way, with her fleeing for her life.

It wasn’t supposed to go this way. And I’m waiting for things to turn right-side-up again . . . but realizing that, in so many ways, things will never be the same again.

Apparently they are missing the fact that my heart is broken . . . or that a piece of me is over a thousand miles away. So although it is that I have returned safely, please don’t say that I am back “in one piece”.

(going to try Nablopomo again; however, the entries will probably be short if they’re going to happen daily . . . )

I used to work with a guy who would always say, “don’t talk about how tired you are, because it will just make you more tired, and will make everybody else around you tired.”

but the fact is, I REALLY AM TIRED. overwhelmed. burned out.

can’t even blog. now THAT is just sad.

with that said, here’s an example of the type of mindless drivel you might be able to expect from me if I try to blog EVERY day this month . . .

I have an old friend who was convinced (wrongly) that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday . . . when really, my favorite holiday (and okay, I know it’s not really a holiday, but still . . . ) is

THE DAY YOU GET TO PUT THE CLOCKS BACK AN HOUR!!!!!!!!!

 Seriously, I think we need this holiday (and the resulting extra hour of sleep) EVERY day. My life would be so much easier.

 what’s that you’re saying? “why don’t you just go to bed an hour earlier?”

IF I DID THAT, WHEN WOULD I FIND TIME TO BLOG?!

but you have to understand, I’ve been quite busy. It’s hard work being a hypochondriac, and I just have not had time to think up other brilliant things to blog about . . .

With that said, I feel that I must give a brief update on mi lumpito, for those of you who have been wondering . . .

I already posted about my “normal” CT scan and that I was told that I could talk to a general surgeon to see if a biospy is warranted. (Trust me, with this alien growing on my collarbone–heck, yeah, I want a biopsy!) So I went to see the surgeon, and I am scheduled to have outpatient surgery on December 7th.

Of course, in the two days since the surgery was scheduled, I have been convinced that el lumpito (why the hell is it a “male” lump, anyway? shouldn’t it be a lumpitA?) is actually growing. I may take pictures tomorrow and post them (because we know you love the TMI!)   

but the happy thing about this is that i have been Googling new possibilities (after being told by the surgeon that the lymph node wasn’t visible on the CT scan, which I took to be a good sign?! Yeah, and I trusted that report so much that I went home and ordered my very own copy of the CT scan results, which I will promptly attempt to Google key phrases from in an attempt to freak myself out even further) and if it’s NOT the lymph node, then I have the absolute THRILL of having something FUNKY AND RARE!!!

Especially because of the tooth connection, I am so excited about my potential contribution to medical science . . .  Seriously, I could not think of anything more enjoyable than the possibility of gaining another fifteen minutes of fame in some obscure medical journal . . . WAY more fun than anything with the word “metastasized” in it!  

today at work, my boss told me that someone had mentioned the possibility that this is my twin–which would SO make sense, because I always felt like I had a twin! now THAT would be cool. 

lucky for all of you, we have a month to figure this out. Unless it continues to grow substantially in the next week or so, in which case I will probably go screaming back to my doctor like a nine-months-and-a-day pregnant woman: “GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!”