Anyway, tonight my OCD self is tempted to go through all of the posts by category, tag away, and then delete the categories.

or perhaps I can look into getting a life. yeah, that might work.

but somehow, these entries don’t make it to the screen, or they are doomed to live out their days as a draft, waiting to be perfected before I hit “publish”.

Blogging was supposed to help me with my chronic lack of discipline when it comes to writing, and it worked for a while, but then . . . I don’t know. Life happened. I’ve been wrestling with sickness both in my body and my soul. The words are there, but they refuse to break forth . . .

but I need to do something about this. because can I really call myself a writer if I never write?

so now you’re probably going to be mightily pissed off that I just wrote a blog entry about nothing. or you could take it as me just being Seinfeld-esque . . . (get it? a blog about nothing?! ha ha.)

stay tuned. I hope to be able to write tomorrow.

And I have made a decision . . . I was going to take a poll about it, but I think I’ve decided. I’m going to move all of my “Du$$ar” stuff to a different blog. I just want to see what my traffic REALLY looks like, independent of any conversation about that whole mess. So I’m getting rid of it . . . I’ve decided.

Stay tuned!

and I’m a bit late and back-posting this, and due to recent circumstances, I don’t have a lot to say . . . except that I’ll be foregoing the numbering going forward, although I still hope to continue writing on a weekly basis.

So what was one thing you learned in this past year that you didn’t know before? Discuss.

But here’s the thing . . . I’ve tried the Firefox plug-ins . . . I’ve tried using my Yahoo page . . . heaven help me, I’ve actually tried to use Google Reader! 

And I HATE. THEM. ALL.

I want my feeds the way IE does them . . . all lined up in a pretty little row, titles only, and highlighted if there’s new stuff I need to read.

I don’t want to see a snippet of every flippin’ article (over a hundred, remember?) every time I sign on.

I don’t want to have to navigate back and forth to another page when I need to get back to my list. I want to be able to just click on that handy little sidebar and go from there.

I know that I have way too many feeds . . . and I will pare them down, I promise! But there are too many that I truly DO want to read that are falling by the wayside. Do you know how long it’s going to take me to catch up on this guy’s blog? or this? or this? or this? Seriously, this is my tivo . . . and I’m severely compromised without it.

so for now, do I go back to reading blogs on the dinosaur desktop computer in the red room, and doing everything else while lounging in bed, using the laptop?

If you hate the new Facebook layout (then you should’ve started sooner! just kidding), then you may have a tiny smidgen of understanding of how VERY much I hate this. and my own advice to others vis-a-vis FB doesn’t apply here . . . I don’t WANT to “just get used to it”.

(wah, wah, wah. anybody got some cheese to go with this whine?!)

I’m just kind of bored of this one.

thoughts? comments? protests?

I have had random shreds of encouragement come my way several times this week, and from sources that have surprised me. And not a moment too soon, because these things that have been said have been reminders that who I am and what I do really might make a difference in some small way. It was especially helpful/meaningful to me to hear one person tell me how much they appreciate my straightforward style, and the fact that I am honest (what some call “too honest”) and open about things.

As anyone who reads this blog already knows, I tend to have very strong opinions, and I tend to express those opinions with great passion. Unfortunately, I am (as I have often described myself) “one of those people that you either LOVE or HATE”, and not everybody is in the “Lorraine Wronski fan club”. (I have even written previously about my own faltering membership in said club.)

The hardest thing about it is that I’m still me . . . and the things that people want me to change about myself, the things that get in the way of me being/doing what I want to be and do, and of what I would deem (Spark-worthy) success, are things that make up the core of who I am. AND I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO STOP BEING ME!

So instead, I waste a lot of time and energy on self-loathing . . . if only I wasn’t like this . . . if only I wasn’t me! I could be successful . . . I could be achieving something . . . I could . . . not be me. It would be so great not to be me.

and then I am left to sit with myself, and with the realization that I am almost 40 years old and I still can’t stand myself. Worse, to quote Dr. House, “people don’t change”, so it’s very likely that this is all there is for me. This life (no career to speak of, perpetually in debt, sucky old car always needing more repairs than i can afford) is quite possibly the best it’s going to get for me.

The absolute WORST thing for me is the people who tell me, “You’re so smart” or “You can do anything!” First of all, being smart (though I’m grateful for the brains I’ve been given, don’t get me wrong) really hasn’t done me a whole lot of good. It really IS true. Nobody cares what your GPA was. (not that mine was all that much to brag about anyway!) Second of all, I don’t think people realize what a huge slap in the face it is to me when they say something like that to me . . . seriously–it doesn’t even make any sense. if I COULD do “anything”, don’t you think I WOULD HAVE done SOMETHING by now?! Think about it.

but the fact that I hate just about everything about my life notwithstanding, I was reminded this week that at least a handful of people find me kind of useful to have around . . .

I guess I’m kind of like that melon baller that’s buried in the back of the drawer . . . everybody thinks they need a melon baller, but if it wasn’t around, there’s absolutely no reason why you couldn’t use a spoon instead. But a melon baller is such a novel thing to have around that you can never quite bring yourself to throw it away . . .

but nobody asks the melon baller how it feels about its lot in life, and its spot in the cutlery drawer.

okay.  I have sufficiently mangled this metaphor, not to mention having blogged away another perfectly good evening, so I think that means it’s time to stop . . .  

It’s great that I’ve had 342 hits today alone on one particular posting of mine about you-know-who . . . but seriously? I wish I could get that much traffic for some of the stuff I talk about that REALLY matters. 

here’s where we stand so far (and it’s only 6:30 at night! although if the workday is over, perhaps the searches will slow down). 

(I’m taking out the “u” to prevent people unnecessarily flocking to this post. I intentionally avoid cross-posting to that entry, as I don’t really need/want to drive MORE traffic there . . .  and yes, I AM cursing myself for not having gone to self-hosting sooner than this . . . think of the revenue I could have generated through ads!) 

Here are some words that people searched today to find me and my perhaps-a-bit-over-the-top opinions: (yeah, I don’t know what the “teeth” thing has to do with it.)