I wanna love You better whatever it takes . . .

Yes, apparently I am checking in on the last day of Blog Against Racism week . . . but having discovered this, I’ve had a brainstorm, and hope others will join me . . .

Since it’s often been said (and still is sadly so true) that “Sunday at 11am is the most segregated hour in America”, I think that going forward I am going to blog against racism in some way each Sunday, Lord willing. That is probably more pressure than I need to put on myself, but I’m willing to give it a try, at any rate.

 for today, here’s this . . . but Oprah, if you know this is happening right here at home, why are you sending all of your money to South Africa?

I have serious blogging insecurities. I check my stats compulsively, searching desperately for any sign of an increase in readership.  

(and yes, WordPress, I STILL MISS MY FEED STATS!!!)

People who know far less about the internet than I do don’t assume that I am in any way deficient blog-wise . . . but that’s because they wouldn’t know a blog if it came up and bit them on the @$$.

It doesn’t help when I see my report stating that on my “best day ever”, I got 50 hits. There is a woman who writes a blog that is primarily about dog shit (granted, it’s about dog shit in one specific neighborhood in Brooklyn, but still . . . ) and I just read today that she gets 10,000 hits daily. (it’s actually a really good blog!)

 A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that some of the women whose blogs I read regularly were attending a conference for woman bloggers. I thought, “hmm, maybe I should go to that next year”–but then, in sizing up the people who were attending, I had a new fit of insecurity . . . “I’m totally not cool enough to hang out with the ladies who blog.” (is that like “ladies who lunch” for the 21st century?)

I thought I had gotten over my high school insecurities about people not liking me, but apparently not. And I am so afraid that my utter social incompetence is somehow spilling over to the online world . . . (if you’re socially incompetent in a sea of people who spend five hours a day on the internet, I’m thinking there’s not a lot of hope . . . )

But it’s more than “just” wanting to fit in . . . it’s the same thing that I’ve always struggled with–WANTING TO KNOW THAT SOMEBODY IS READING. Without that, why would we even write? and I truly believe that, as someone who has always favored feature writing, I was born to blog . . .

so what am I doing wrong? even if you never comment, this is when I really need to hear from you . . . which of the following things do you think is holding me back from blogging greatness? Choose as many as apply.

Should I . . .

a) Pick one topic and stick with it
b) Edit posts more carefully/work harder at quality of entries
c) Network more and “get my name out” to other blogs
d) Be funnier
e) Post more pictures 
f) Be patient; it takes time to build up a following! 
g) Promote myself more in my “real life” circles? (business cards with my blog name on them?!)
h) Get a life and stop caring about it
i) Repent of my blog idolatry
j) stop trying so hard on the theory that I shouldn’t want to belong to a club that would want me as a member
k) other_________________________________________

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

10. They still hang out with me even though I am never on time for ANYTHING.

9. They let me ramble on and on about things that they’ve already read about on my blog   three weeks ago.

8. They stop me from some serious fashion faux pas. (or try to stop me, anyway!)

7. They are extremely patient with me when I owe them money.

6. They don’t laugh at my driving. (well, not too much, anyway!)

5. They come to my rescue when I lock myself out of my car. While it’s still running.

4. They put up with my strange “iced tea and water” habits in the restaurant.

3. They understand my disdain for vanilla ice cream.

2. They forgive me (over and over again) for so many of the stupid and mean things I do and say.

And the #1 reason my friends are the best:

1. They love and accept me in the way I’ve heard that “family” is supposed to . . . and without them in my life, I don’t think I would have ever understood that . . .

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I really, really, REALLY miss my feed stats.